Intended for mature audiences only...but not too mature

Arriving home after a 3 month trip I spent nearly a whole day loading my photos on a computer and then selected a bunch for a highlight reel to put on a memory stick.

Intended audience? The Sistahs.

Several times over the course of my trip I was caught snapping an odd photo by one of my fellow travelers. When given the WTF look, my reply was "for The Sistahs"

My dirty feet, cracked heels, dodgy toilets, animals in compromising positions...
We're always going for a laugh in my family. And if you can't get the laugh, go for the gross out.

Highlight reel in hand - the next few days were spent visiting, laughing, hugging, eating and of course, telling Africa stories and looking at photos. I couldn't ask for a better audience. My family were interested, intrigued, curious and patient. I still can't believe they didn't give me a smack in the mouth and tell me to shut up after a while, I really couldn't stop talking about my trip.

Fast forward a few more days and it's Christmas. The Hub is in town and we'll be visiting with his extended family for the day. Mom, Dad, cousins young and old, and of course a full compliment of great aunties and uncles. What's this? I think to myself. A new audience that hasn't been listening to me drone on about my travels? They are full of questions and comments. I was thrilled with the opportunity to rehash and relive my adventures yet again.

They clamored for pictures (clamored? Okay, maybe I am laying it on a bit thick. But they certainly expressed a polite curiosity.)

The memory stick! I thought. Genius! I had been toting it around since giving my family the slide show the previous week. It wasn't until a young cousin was plugging it into the computery dohickey that I remembered all the inappropriate photos included in the group.

Internal panic ensues as I remember the zebra penises and dirty toilet stalls. Why oh WHY didn't I create an alternate highlight reel?!?! Why did I have to go for the gross out so frequently?

A rushed and oft repeated disclaimer comes gushing out of me. My words tumble and stumble as I try and explain these photos were meant for my sisters and there may be some...erm...unsavory shots among them. I apologize profusely before the first image even hits the screen. Some nervous laughter from the crowd but they assure me they can handle it.

It's not until this image hits the screen that I realize the depth of my gaff. How astoundingly foolish I was in not having the forethought to create a group of photos suitable for in-laws and great aunties.

So because I am a glutton for punishment, because I can not help but wallow in my own humiliation and because after all that I still haven't learned an important lesson in decorum. Because I am a product of my family and will still always go for the laugh and then the gross-out....I decided a blog post of inappropriateness was exactly what was called for to ease my embarrassment.

Farts are funny.  Bodily functions are funny.  Zebra penises are funny.  And humiliation at the hands of my very own self?  Also funny.

And if I didn't make you laugh, I at least made you say "Ew!"

Should I be worried that my in-laws read the blog?

-k.

p.s. a couple photos "borrowed" from my fellow travelers

The Little Five

When talking about African safaris, you can't swing a cat without hitting a reference to The Big Five.  Lion, leopard, rhino, elephant and cape buffalo; they are the superstars of game driving.  Originally dubbed The Big Five by game hunters, these days they are the first boxes most safari viewers want to tic, the main photos they want to click.  We saw them all, several times, and they were glorious.  But I'd like to take a moment here to talk about what my fellow travelers and I dubbed The Little Five.

Mongooses (Mongeese?)

Somewhat more common, though no less exotic.

Baboons

Perhaps not glorious, but certainly entertaining.

Warthog

Seeing them more frequently gave us a chance to get bored with them, observe and learn more about their behaviors and then fall back in love with them all over again.  For instance did you know that warthogs are so silly and unfocused that when frightened and running for their lives, they'll tear ass for a minute or two, forget what they are running from, stop abruptly, not look back to see if the forgotten danger still exists, and just start eating.  What a collection of loveable galoots.  Plus they have awesome mullets (you should click on above photo to appreciate the full hair-band glory.)

dik-dik

We made some other Five lists.  The Sexy Five, The Tasty Five and The Deadly Five to name a few.  The dik-dik made an appearance on The Tasty Five as well as The Little Five.  They are so teeny tiny they must be tender and tasty too.

Guinea Fowl

But it was the guinea fowl that really captured my imagination. They are comical. Ridiculous even. Not particularly smart, nor very good looking, they are found in almost every country I visited, running around squawking. When you are driving through a game park and a flock of them are in your truck's way, they bellyache and jump and generally act like Chicken Little when the sky is falling.  Yet in all their panic they don't get very far. They are terrible at running away. In fact, they are even worse than the warthog.  The whole group will move on a few yards only to squawk and panic again when they, to their surprise, find the truck right behind them once more.

So their silliness is what first got me but it was the stylized versions of the guinea fowl that you see in every craft market in Africa that really gave them a special little corner of my heart.

Here's a metal sculpture found at one of my favorite campsites.

And a delightful little hen carved in wood that I brought home with me from Africa to remind me that it's not always the superstars that hold the most entertainment, sometimes it's The Little Things.

-k.

Campsite Animals

On a 73 day trip we camped at roughly 32 campsites, a handful of which were bush camps. At the regular sites, amenities ranged from nice grass and hot showers to thick red mud and a cold trickle in a bug infested stall. We never knew what we would get next. But one feature every campsite shared was animals.

Nearly every place had at least one dog. Sometimes a friendly chap like this Namibian fella, sometimes a handful of chubby big guys, looking for a free handout.

Goats were fairly common.

But only Red Chili campsite in Uganda had a giant naughty pig who pulled clean shirts down from the washing line...

...but who turned into a big mush when at the receiving end of a nice rub.

Even bush camps had their share of animals. Our first one was at the Naboth family's cow farm in Uganda. Check out the horns on these bad larrys.

Yes, I am wearing a mustache, but that's a different blog post. The kitty didn't seem to mind, and it was a treat to find a creature worthy of a cuddle.

Not every campsite animal we came across was domesticated. Our first campsite in Kenya was on the shores of Lake Naivasha and was home to some hungry hungry hippos. We could see them in the water during the daylight hours and they came out onto the banks to feed at night. Have you ever fallen asleep to the bellowing of hippos?

There was no shortage of wild mixing with tame. Semi-wild? Semi-tame? Above are zebras mixing with the camp owner's horses at Bird park in Harare, Zimbabwe.

Speaking of Bird Park, they had a whole aviary dedicated to birds of every feather. Some rescued, some bred, some slotted for release back into the wild and others destined to stay due to injury. We met rescued eagle chicks, hunting hawks, one-eyed owls and an oddball ostrich. Bird Park wasn't the only campsite dedicated to the rescue, rehab and preservation of one species. There was Snake Park in Arusha, Tanzania. I think you can guess what they specialized in.

Let's not forget the ever present monkeys. Though they were nearly as common as dogs,

I never got tired of watching them play. Above is a colobus monkey that makes a burping sound. Below are the ubiquitous blue-testicled vervet monkeys. Both in Kenya.

At Antelope Park in Zimbabwe we were lucky enough to have tame elephants roaming the

campsite. As I type the word tame I am reminded of how I was able to meet one, feed it and sit atop its back and thinking at the time, tame or not, this thing is HUGE, powerful, super cool and a little scary.

Not quite as scary and not nearly tame, we had a family of warthogs that roamed another Zim campsite. This time at Vic Falls. Momma warthog forages amongst the tents...

...while her babies take a nap.

Look how cute! A sleeping baby warthog. Awwwww.

Of course there weren't always animals to marvel over, cuddle, entertain or run way from, but there were always bugs.

-k.

p.s. I'd be remiss not to mention in at least one of these Africa blog posts that I do occasionally borrow a photo from one of my fellow travelers' facebook albums when I don't have a good enough pic of my own. Anyone interested in individual photo credits should speak to the management.

p.p.s. Since we're doing the addendum thing here, I might as well mention that most of the Africa photos and videos look much better when viewed full screen. In future posts I may insist you click on certain photos to get the full picture, so to speak. Hope you don't mind being bossed around now and then.

To the Manor Born

Welcome to Giraffe Manor.

This is Helen

She wants to know if you have any food.

This is Patrick, he's hungry too.

They'll slurp it right outta your hand, using their long, grey, slimy tongues. But it's cool, cause their saliva is a natural antiseptic.

They live here, with a bunch of their friends. It's called Giraffe Manor and it's a super posh hotel built in the 1930's and modeled after a Scottish country home. You can stay there and the giraffes will keep you company as you breakfast on the back veranda.

Or you can just come with a truck full of overland travelers on a budget. Then you get to admire the giraffes, feed them handfuls of food, learn about their brethren in Africa, wash your hands and return to your campsite in Nairobi.

...where you'll be thinking of Helen and Patrick and wishing you were sleeping at their manor house.

-k.