Intended for mature audiences only...but not too mature

Arriving home after a 3 month trip I spent nearly a whole day loading my photos on a computer and then selected a bunch for a highlight reel to put on a memory stick.

Intended audience? The Sistahs.

Several times over the course of my trip I was caught snapping an odd photo by one of my fellow travelers. When given the WTF look, my reply was "for The Sistahs"

My dirty feet, cracked heels, dodgy toilets, animals in compromising positions...
We're always going for a laugh in my family. And if you can't get the laugh, go for the gross out.

Highlight reel in hand - the next few days were spent visiting, laughing, hugging, eating and of course, telling Africa stories and looking at photos. I couldn't ask for a better audience. My family were interested, intrigued, curious and patient. I still can't believe they didn't give me a smack in the mouth and tell me to shut up after a while, I really couldn't stop talking about my trip.

Fast forward a few more days and it's Christmas. The Hub is in town and we'll be visiting with his extended family for the day. Mom, Dad, cousins young and old, and of course a full compliment of great aunties and uncles. What's this? I think to myself. A new audience that hasn't been listening to me drone on about my travels? They are full of questions and comments. I was thrilled with the opportunity to rehash and relive my adventures yet again.

They clamored for pictures (clamored? Okay, maybe I am laying it on a bit thick. But they certainly expressed a polite curiosity.)

The memory stick! I thought. Genius! I had been toting it around since giving my family the slide show the previous week. It wasn't until a young cousin was plugging it into the computery dohickey that I remembered all the inappropriate photos included in the group.

Internal panic ensues as I remember the zebra penises and dirty toilet stalls. Why oh WHY didn't I create an alternate highlight reel?!?! Why did I have to go for the gross out so frequently?

A rushed and oft repeated disclaimer comes gushing out of me. My words tumble and stumble as I try and explain these photos were meant for my sisters and there may be some...erm...unsavory shots among them. I apologize profusely before the first image even hits the screen. Some nervous laughter from the crowd but they assure me they can handle it.

It's not until this image hits the screen that I realize the depth of my gaff. How astoundingly foolish I was in not having the forethought to create a group of photos suitable for in-laws and great aunties.

So because I am a glutton for punishment, because I can not help but wallow in my own humiliation and because after all that I still haven't learned an important lesson in decorum. Because I am a product of my family and will still always go for the laugh and then the gross-out....I decided a blog post of inappropriateness was exactly what was called for to ease my embarrassment.

Farts are funny.  Bodily functions are funny.  Zebra penises are funny.  And humiliation at the hands of my very own self?  Also funny.

And if I didn't make you laugh, I at least made you say "Ew!"

Should I be worried that my in-laws read the blog?

-k.

p.s. a couple photos "borrowed" from my fellow travelers

Ngorongoro Crater

The crater from above, just after sunrise, before the sun has burned off the mist.

We drive down into the crater, seeing it stretch away, filling the distance.  It's early, still cold enough for sweatshirts and the day holds promise......what will we see?

These guys showed up in the first thirty minutes.  Good start.

 The crater has the world's densest population of lions.  Lucky us!

Casually sauntering along.

 

Walked right up to and around our trucks as if we weren't even there.  

I could have leaned out and touched her.  She could have jumped up and bit me.

There was one female and two young males.

 

You can see his mane just starting to grow.

They were magnificent.  I could have watched them all day.  But they moved on and thus, so did we.

Later we saw this fully grown mating pair in the distance.  Our guide told us a mating pair will remove themselves from the pride for up to a week and have sex about every twenty minutes.  That's dedication.

Other Ngorongoro Crater sightings couldn't quite live up to our first one.  But they still gave a thrill.

Our first hyena.

This triumvirate of zebras.

An abundance of  vegetarians...

...loitering at the watering hole

We saw plenty more that day but rather than tell you about it now, 

I'm going to go look at more lion photos.

-k.


(As mentioned on previous posts, please assume for all Africa related content that if my personal photos didn't cut the mustard I may have borrowed a picture or two from one of my fellow travelers' Facebook albums.  Anyone seeking further clarification on this policy should consult with Management.)

The Little Five

When talking about African safaris, you can't swing a cat without hitting a reference to The Big Five.  Lion, leopard, rhino, elephant and cape buffalo; they are the superstars of game driving.  Originally dubbed The Big Five by game hunters, these days they are the first boxes most safari viewers want to tic, the main photos they want to click.  We saw them all, several times, and they were glorious.  But I'd like to take a moment here to talk about what my fellow travelers and I dubbed The Little Five.

Mongooses (Mongeese?)

Somewhat more common, though no less exotic.

Baboons

Perhaps not glorious, but certainly entertaining.

Warthog

Seeing them more frequently gave us a chance to get bored with them, observe and learn more about their behaviors and then fall back in love with them all over again.  For instance did you know that warthogs are so silly and unfocused that when frightened and running for their lives, they'll tear ass for a minute or two, forget what they are running from, stop abruptly, not look back to see if the forgotten danger still exists, and just start eating.  What a collection of loveable galoots.  Plus they have awesome mullets (you should click on above photo to appreciate the full hair-band glory.)

dik-dik

We made some other Five lists.  The Sexy Five, The Tasty Five and The Deadly Five to name a few.  The dik-dik made an appearance on The Tasty Five as well as The Little Five.  They are so teeny tiny they must be tender and tasty too.

Guinea Fowl

But it was the guinea fowl that really captured my imagination. They are comical. Ridiculous even. Not particularly smart, nor very good looking, they are found in almost every country I visited, running around squawking. When you are driving through a game park and a flock of them are in your truck's way, they bellyache and jump and generally act like Chicken Little when the sky is falling.  Yet in all their panic they don't get very far. They are terrible at running away. In fact, they are even worse than the warthog.  The whole group will move on a few yards only to squawk and panic again when they, to their surprise, find the truck right behind them once more.

So their silliness is what first got me but it was the stylized versions of the guinea fowl that you see in every craft market in Africa that really gave them a special little corner of my heart.

Here's a metal sculpture found at one of my favorite campsites.

And a delightful little hen carved in wood that I brought home with me from Africa to remind me that it's not always the superstars that hold the most entertainment, sometimes it's The Little Things.

-k.

Pick a Cat, Any Cat

Even before I donned safari duds and the moniker Kelly Africanus I loved big cats. Actually I like the small ones too. Leopard, lion, lynx or house cat - I'll take 'em all. I like to think that somewhere in an alternate universe I may even be Cat Woman. Fighting crime in a bad-ass leather jumpsuit by night, snuggling with my feline friends by day.

While not being able to decide my most beloved cat amongst the many species hardly qualifies as a crisis of personality, I did hope that my travels might help crystallize my preference and that I'd return home with a favorite cat firmly planted in my psyche. A spirit guide that could lead me on some kind of post-trip vision quest.
Or maybe just a favorite figure for a groovy new t-shirt.

Far be it from me to create a false sense of suspense but I'll tell you now that I WON'T be finishing this blog post by naming my new-found, best-loved feline. I will, however, take the opportunity to muse over the cheetah.

Here's one standing bloody-mouthed over her fresh kill on the Serengeti.

With her cubs nearby! Ack! I nearly passed out with the desire to grab one and run. So fluffy! So cute!

Cheetahs...nature's fastest, sure, we all know that. But did you know they have a penchant for flip-flops? I learned that salient fact at Cheetah Park in Namibia just prior to being let in to the compound wearing flip-flops to pet their three cheetahs. That's right people, I said PET CHEETAHS!

notice the bare feet

Cheetah Park is a family farm that moved from raising cattle to cheetah conservation over the years. They have three tame cheetahs that live with them and behave just like house cats, including the occasional tussle with their Jack Russell (gotta love a small dog with a big dog attitude.)

He (the Jack Russell) even thinks he is the guard dog. Isn't that cute?

But let's get back to cheetahs. They are, in a word, amazing.

In addition to having the world's coolest pets, Cheetah Park also rescues wild cheetahs from being killed by other farmers when one of them (the cheetahs not the farmers) has been a very bad boy and killed some livestock. The two brothers who own and operate Cheetah Park trap the cat instead and bring it back to live a relatively-close-to-wild life on their acreage. As the population density of cheetahs on their land is higher than normal and building and maintaining a collection of prey animals is cost prohibitive, these fellas take their trucks out most evenings and feed the wild bunch whatever meaty morsels they have laying around.

If you are staying at their campgrounds, for a small fee you can stand in the bed of their pickup while they toss donkey steaks at the crowd of twenty or so cheetahs that come melting out of the dusk the minute the gates open. These guys (the cheetahs, not the farmers) prowl and stalk and flow and fade in and out of the bush...following the truck, eager for dinner. As a passenger, you feel a bit like dinner and hope they don't mistake you as such. It is as unnerving as it is awe inspiring.

After the guys figure we've all had enough photo opportunities they start tossing the meat out. As each piece is thrown, a little skirmish erupts among the cats while they figure out who gets it. The winner takes his loot and runs while the rest growl and yip waiting for the next hunk. And all this is happening mere feet from where you stand in an open truck bed, drink in hand.

Oh yeah, the campsite has a bar too, it's a damn cool place. So if you ever find yourself in Namibia...drop in and see if the cheetah is your favorite cat.