25 January 2010

Texas Food....Hell Yeah !

I had never been to Houston before but with my employer being based there, it was only a matter of time.After the US lacrosse convention in Baltimore (separate post) I flew to Houston on a plane full of fat people. The guy next to me was pressed up against me and everywhere I looked there were people squeezed into seats.

Little did I know that over the next 5 days, I would gain 8.5 lbs....impossible you say?

Welcome to Texas.

I'm not saying everyone in Texas is fat. Everyone I met in Texas were normal sized and very friendly.

I am saying that if you don't watch what you eat in Texas, you can be fat in no time. The abundance of restaurants and food options is mind blowing.

Meet my first meal, cooked at home by BD..... Venison Backstrap Steaks, Venison Sausage, Maple Baked Beans and Veggies. All washed down with 5-6 beers. While I was waiting for dinner, I had kept the hunger at bay with some fresh Venison Jerky.

Brian had recently shot a Deer, so his freezer was full of deer meat. We ate it for 3 of my first 5 meals in Texas. It was very tasty indeed.

Although we ate at home most of the time, we did go out as well. Thats where the large portion sizes and availability of all sorts of goodies can get ya. Example A was the Brick House Tavern & Tap, whose slogan is "Dispensing Happiness to the Common Man". They have some very clever marketing, but it was shockingly risque' if you haven't been around this sort of stuff in a while.

All the waitresses wear short, short jean shorts and short, lowcut, tight, black shirts....they are all 18 and are instructed to flirt, shamelessly....to the point where it was uncomfortable. You look around and there are 18 year old waitresses flirting with groups of sleazy older guys who I'm pretty sure aren't there for the food.......creepy.

The Menu is slathered with sexual innuendo...."Its ok to get sloppy, thats part of the fun" or desserts like the "Double D Cup Cakes" listed under "Happy Endings". Beer is filed under "How would you like to tap this?"

The food was ok, the idea of the place is great...." Man cave meet bachelor pad, bachelor pad meet man cave"..couches, fire pits, man food, big burgers.

We started with 2 appetizers. One of Soft Pretzels covered in Butter with Cheese Sauce for dipping...and also Deviled Eggs. Trying to be healthy, I had a Chicken Caesar Salad...but my lunch-mates had delicious looking BLTs.

I could have easily had a big burger, a soda and a dessert and been at about a 2,000 calorie lunch...holy crap.

Lunch on day 3 was in a building that looked like it used to house a Bail Bonds office or a Pawn Shop. Now it is a dingy little Chinese restaurant that serves Family sized platters for $5.00...delicious.

I only finished half the Beef & Vegetables as I had also ordered an appetizer of Fried Dumplings. Look at the size of the cups they give you ! 40 oz buckets and they have people going around giving you REFILLS ! How could you drink more than 40oz of soda with lunch? I opted for water but was still amazed at the size of the cups.

Something else I was looking forward the entire trip was American Breakfasts. Brian and I had made some good breakfasts at the house, but one morning we went out to Denny's.

Oh Denny's how I missed you.

Biscuits & Gravy....hot sauce...eggs. Bottomless cups of coffee.

I destroyed this breakfast, sampling all the different hot sauces along the way. Awesome.

On Day 4 I destroyed a meal at a Mexican restaurant....mini-tacos...yummy, but no pictures.

I had 5 great days in Houston, then I put my newly fat ass on a plane for Vienna via London. I felt like this little guy across the aisle.

My new fat acquisition phase is not over yet either. Oh no sir.

As soon as I got home, the Mrs. gave me a fresh bowl of hot Cauliflower and Cheese soup and then later in the evening I ate a whole package of Pringles. Boo-yah!


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