Have been applying for jobs all day...

Here's what I included as the cover letter for my resume. Whattya think?
-k.

I believe I would be an asset in any working environment for the following reasons: I am old enough to be wise but young enough to be hip. I have an amazing collection of music on my I-pod. I speak Swahili. I am faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and have been known, on occasion, to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I have never spelled a word wrong in my entire life and hold several world titles in arm wrestling. I can bake a cake so moist it will make you cry. I have perfect penmanship. I have excellent taste in books AND I am America’s Next Top Model. I once pet a manatee…in the wild. I can bring home the bacon then fry it up in a pan. I have no need of perfume as my own natural scent smells like milk and honey. My hair is generally messy but I make up for it with very long eyelashes. I’ve got an infectious laugh. The President of the United States reads my blog. And leaves comments. I have excellent collating skills not to mention legs right up to my neck. The CIA once tried to recruit me but I sic’d the FBI on them then told them all to get lost. People always do what I ask them to. I have a perfect permanent record. Nelson Mandela and Joan Rivers thank me in their memoirs. I have a svengali-like hold over dogs and rabbits. I am on familiar terms with several royal families and a number of famous athletes. I can hold a pen with my toes.