05 April 2008

Have been applying for jobs all day...

Here's what I included as the cover letter for my resume. Whattya think?

I believe I would be an asset in any working environment for the following reasons: I am old enough to be wise but young enough to be hip. I have an amazing collection of music on my I-pod. I speak Swahili. I am faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and have been known, on occasion, to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I have never spelled a word wrong in my entire life and hold several world titles in arm wrestling. I can bake a cake so moist it will make you cry. I have perfect penmanship. I have excellent taste in books AND I am America’s Next Top Model. I once pet a manatee…in the wild. I can bring home the bacon then fry it up in a pan. I have no need of perfume as my own natural scent smells like milk and honey. My hair is generally messy but I make up for it with very long eyelashes. I’ve got an infectious laugh. The President of the United States reads my blog. And leaves comments. I have excellent collating skills not to mention legs right up to my neck. The CIA once tried to recruit me but I sic’d the FBI on them then told them all to get lost. People always do what I ask them to. I have a perfect permanent record. Nelson Mandela and Joan Rivers thank me in their memoirs. I have a svengali-like hold over dogs and rabbits. I am on familiar terms with several royal families and a number of famous athletes. I can hold a pen with my toes.


Michele said...

That is hilarious! I have been applying for jobs in Florida and I feel so frustrated about not being able to find anything that I wish I could attach your cover letter to my resume and see if that gets their attention.

I hope you and Chris are doing well. It appears that you are having the time of your life!


Alli Arnold said...

Awesome. You're hired.

And not to freak Chris out, but I really CAN hold a pen with my toes.
AND THEN I could draw a lifelike portrait of him with my foot.

You rule,
Shirl xoxo

Anonymous said...

If Joan Rivers thanked you and you are applying for a job in Costmetology or Plastic Surgery you might want to rethink putting that in.

tina haltigan said...

very cute kelly