23 February 2009

Party Phases 101

At our recent party at the Miramar with the usual suspects, we differed on our interpretations of the 5 phases of party. These are mine.

Phase 1 - Assembly
Party official begins when more then 5 people congregate with alcohol. Planned or unplanned, it is Phase One, even if you don't realize yet.

Phase 2 - Ramp Up
The civilized part of the party. People make small talk, tell jokes...a time of general merriment. "Hey, good to see you!, How have you been ?", "Great !, Hey do you want a beer?". 'Sure, thanks"

Phase 3 - Chaos
It is usually at this point that Bingo shows up carrying a stolen lawn ornament or wearing a penis hat...unless the party is at his house. In that case Phase 3 can be identified when Bingo pulls out his arsenal of home defense weapons from behind the couch or decides "These drinks are too weak, I'll make the freakin drinks!"

Phase 4 - Disintegration
Furniture gets broken . People wander off and/or pass out. Its usually at this point when party goers start foraging for anything edible in the kitchen. They make pickle sandwiches and dip chips into any leftovers you might have in the fridge. The beginning of the end. "Where is Rob?", "I dunno he was sitting out in the driveway with a bottle of tequila talking to your mailbox about 10 minutes ago"

(Happy Birthday Tony!)

Phase 5 - Shark Fishing
At our going away party in 2007, Dale and I were the last two people who were not unconscious. We decided that we should each have a glass of scotch, then walk down to the beach, wade into the water and try to catch sharks with our hands. Luckily, we didn't catch any, but when someone is really drunk, we still say "He's gonna catch a shark"


Alli Arnold said...

"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly..."

-Ron Burgundy

Anonymous said...

its always nice to have our friends come visit and its not a party till we see the ax